scone | — SALTBURNT INBOX.

we should talk about what you read

the foxes and the dead cook? it didn't make any sense. anyway, i'm alive now. everything on that post can't be true anyway.

but

( it was true, is the thing. not the nastiness about sanji being dead — but of two foxes intertwined, about being liars and deceits. she knows she fucked up with this, pressure behind her eyes making it hard to see the phone screen. )

the thing is i was so messed up after you died. i knew it was my fault and that i couldn't do anything to make it better. i didn't want i was just so upset. i felt so empty. like nothing was ever going to be okay again. i missed you and it was my fault you were gone and the restaurant was a mess and zoro's been distant and drunk since it all went down and koby was well he was really stressed about everything. i tried to keep it together but i knew that i'm you know normally i never take part in the stupid games this place makes up but i just didn't care what happened to me at all. i wanted to be punished for what i did to you. so i did this hunt and got picked as a prey and i wore a fox mask jinx wore one too and then instead of getting punished i felt really good instead. like the only good thing to happen while you were dead but then i felt guilty because i should feel bad and i don't deserve to feel good. i'm a bad person i should've been the one who got bit i know it

[ every word hurts, the damning confirmation that he let his crew down. he wasn't there for them during what was probably the worst go of it since the werewolf games, and to make things worse — he left them worse off than before. ]

that's not true. you shouldn't have been the one to get bit. i'm always going to protect you. zoro is too. we take care of each other. all of us. besides, i'm a proud pirate before i'm anything else. there's always going to be some shitbag who needs their ass kicked.

[ as for the rest... he shakes his head as if nami can see him through the screen, wishing he were there with her. ]

those are just house games. they don’t mean anything. i don't like that you went out seeking punishment that you didn't deserve, but you didn’t do anything wrong. and i told jinx to take care of you. the last thing i wanted was for you to be alone, and i suspected that zoro might not be himself after… well, you know. but it’s all okay now. i’m back, and everything can be normal again. we can put all of it behind us.

i didn't take care of you. i ran away like a coward and let you get hurt. i messed it all up what even is normal? before the before you died we weren't even together. i was mad at you. that's not normal i mean that is pretty normal but that's not how i want it to be at all. i want to be with you like how it was before it's just it's not fair to jinx to say it didn't mean anything i did mean something. she likes me. i like her too she's important and i don't want to hurt her or you or anybody

you didn't run away. technically, i shoved you across the room on a table. i

[ a lump rises in his throat, because it's not like he's forgotten everything from before. to see it laid out so plainly feels like little cuts across his heart. ]

i deserved it. i know we weren't together. i guess we haven't really been normal for a while now. or maybe ever. i want to be with you too. if you'll have me. maybe we can make it official sometime. you and me. i've wanted that for so long. i hope i've earned it now. oh. i like jinx too. i would never want anyone to hurt her. jinx is important to me. do you want me to talk to her? i’m not upset with her.

i went and i hid and i didn't think about anything except how scared i was

( haha. erm. what. )

aren't you mad at me?

if those shitty bastards were bugs with a bunch of legs, i would've been right there with you. mad at you for what? for letting jinx take care of you while i was gone? i already said i told her to do that! i would've been mad if she left you to be alone. jinx is a good friend even though she thinks she's bad luck. i put a lot on her before i left. i owe her about a hundred desserts. anyway, i'm glad you two are friends. it would be awful if you didn't like my sous chef.

but you weren't you weren't scared and you protected me and you got hurt for it and those are the facts but we it was like

( she's going to have to be very explicit about this, isn't she. )

we had sex in the woods during the hunting game. and then i mean we like each other. i think like romantically like how you like alina

i was scared. the thing that scares me the most is the thought of losing you.

[ .............. ]

you had oh. nami, i don't romantically like alina. she's my friend. i just haven't been speaking to her much because i know it would hurt you. i never even thanked her for the christmas presents she made me before you two had that terrible fight. what we had wasn't it was one of the house games. she sat in my lap and ate some laced candy from my hand in the otherworld. that's all. that's all it ever was. it would never have happened if not for the house, and it's never happened since.

i thought i was scared of getting hurt but then i lost you and that was so so much worse

( right, and she's the queen of england. she's not sure why sanji is trying to irritate her with denials again — but maybe he's allowed, since she turned around and did the same thing to him. )

you took me to her shop on like the one date you ever asked me out on and people have seen you together i don't want to argue about it

i’m sorry about the way it happened. i sorry i didn’t say anything to you. i tried to do it all in a way that would hurt all of you the least, but i didn’t have time to think of a good plan, and i wasn’t operating at my best. i wanted to take you somewhere nice. somewhere we wouldn’t be poisoned by the house. like how i was with alina. and how you were with jinx. but i know taking you there was a mistake too, and i wouldn’t do that to you again. who? who has seen us together, doing what? i haven’t been with anyone. not even zoro. i’ve been trying to earn you back. i’ve been trying to be the kind of person you would even want back. you and jinx. so you played the game in the woods and now what?

Edited 2025-03-31 10:58 (UTC)

no i know you did what you thought would protect us. i wasn't trying to guilt you or make you feel bad i was i was trying to say i really missed you and i know how you feel

( people, she thinks. people have seen you. i have seen you. not that any particular instance comes to mind — the one ill-fated day that sanji came to his room covered in her, the time set said someone had seen them together. that whole blow up fight on the network with alina, a crazy person, and the genuine shock she felt when sanji came to her defense. it's the first time she's even heard about alina getting him a christmas present — which feels pretty fucking typical of alina as far as she knows. like she can't resist making things worse.

nami can see the it now. hindsight is all 20/20, and it's obvious — she's just gotten mad and jealous instead of asking for clarity, same as when she yelled at alina, who felt suffocating with her presence. it wasn't actually suffocating, she had just been there, because the house is only so big, and mistakes happen, and you're bound to cross paths with people you hate. she's crossed paths with set often enough to know the truth of that — stupid fucking set. )

you don't have to earn me. i'm already yours i thought before i was leaving you so you could be happy with her and you wouldn't have to worry about hurting me and you could have what you really want

( on the subject of jinx, though — )

i don't know i think you have to decide if you can forgive me or if i can earn your forgiveness for what i did and we have to decide what things look like going into the future. i mean. you and zoro are always gonna be everything to me that's not gonna change

i missed you too. i was thinking of you the whole time. you're all i've ever wanted. i thought you knew that. i've loved you from the moment i saw you at the baratie. i would never want to be with anyone but you. you and zoro. you're the only ones for me. i'm sorry that i made you think i was romantically interested in anyone else. i'm not. i would never do that to you. i don't know what you want me to forgive. do you want to be with jinx now?

( just say it, nami. he’s going to find out eventually. it’s better to rip the bandaid off and stare at her phone while waiting for a reply than it is to do any of it behind sanji’s back. )

no i want to be with jinx also. like i am with you and zoro i don’t know how she feels about it exactly or if it would be as feelings intense as our relationship but yeah that’s what i want. she’s crew

[ it's not that it's jinx that hurts. jinx is in fact a better choice than anyone else, lively and smart and strong, a perfect fit in nami's restaurant and on their crew. he's already decided he doesn't want anyone else in his kitchen. it’s just — all the raw uncertainty filling his cracks, thick and suffocating, to be freshly alive and still wonder. they weren’t together before, and he doesn’t know if he’s really any closer to it now. ]

and you you decided this all while i was dead? that you want to also be with someone else?

[ the posting makes a lot more sense now. ]

( Ok, Bitch, )

i didn't decide anything while you were dead. i wasn't like. oh sanji's dead, time to reevaluate my dating life i've never evaluated it in the first palce i was miserable. no one was around. you were dead. it was my fault. i wanted to walk into the woods and suffer. jinx found me and took care of me instead we only just talked about it now after that stupid gossip post it just meant a lot to me i don't have a lot of people i can rely on. i'm not gonna let her get in trouble for it so if you're mad get mad at me. i'm the one who messed up

it wasn't your fault. it was mine for not being there for you. i'm not going to get mad at you for telling me what you want. i wouldn't treat jinx like that, either. i like her. and i trust her. so if it's me you're worried about, it's okay. it's nothing. and if she likes you then i'm just glad that she can make you feel this way. i know it's not

[ easy. because jinx has done in... days? weeks? (how long was he dead? the weather has turned, so maybe longer than he thinks. he hopes.) what he couldn't do in what feels like a lifetime now. ]

well, i'm happy for you, nami! i know some of what she likes to eat, if you want me to make something special you can give her.

actually i was wondering if well maybe we could shelf that and you and i could go out somewhere instead? i could cook

oh. yes. yes, i'd love to go out somewhere with you. it's proper that i would take you out and cook for you, but if you want to cook, of course you can. there are also other people here that can do that for you. you shouldn't have to lift a finger.

[ nami... please...... ]

but i'm asking YOU out, so shouldn't i take care of it? ok i won't cook but only because i don't want to make you sick. i am planning it though. just wear something nice.

( turns out the solution to not being asked on a date to the business of the person your boyfriend cheated on you with (??? maybe??) is to plan it yourself. if you want something done not stupidly, you have to put on your big girl pants and stop waiting to be wowed. )

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