scone | — SALTBURNT INBOX.

( adjusting to life at the mansion is — really hit or miss, depending on the day. the regularity of everything is fucking weird: breakfast, fucking around, lunch, fucking around, dinner, fucking around, then a seemingly agreed upon bedtime. zoro's used to staying up at odd hours when it's his turn to keep watch from the crow's nest, or waking up at the ass crack of dawn to hunt prey to bring back to the cabin so they don't starve. some days, he doesn't want to eat breakfast at 9 am on the dot. some days he doesn't want to see some shithead cook in the dining room trying to charm a maid or edge his way into the kitchen to prepare something special for someone special.

it's part why he spends a lot of nights in nami's room, honestly — and occasionally koby's, too, when zoro's feeling particularly pathetic and isn't in the mood to talk about his feelings because at least koby will listen when zoro tells him to shut the fuck up about it. it pisses him off to lay in his own offensively large bed at night thinking about the fact that there are only two walls and a bathroom separating him from some asshole that loves him but pretends that he doesn't. even though he's finally figured out a way to remember where his room is, it's better off this way — even if it means sometimes accidentally falling asleep on a pile of mats in the manor's huge gym at 3 am.

zoro leaves dinner early tonight, angrily tugging at the bow tie around his neck that feels like it's strangling him. it's one thing to stare at a certain blonde across the room for a little too long because the fancy, expensive clothes this place has suit him and he looks stupidly good — and it's another to get caught. he shucks off his clothes in a heap on the bathroom floor, stepping into the hot water he's drawn into the large claw-foot tub in the center of the bathroom and sinking into its pleasantly scented depths. nami says she likes bubble baths because they're relaxing. zoro needs to fucking relax.

— and he maybe does, for a little while, arms draped lazily over the lip of the tub, head tipping back, eyes closed. when the door opens, zoro tenses, brow furrowing even if he remains determined to keep his eyes closed and look serene and unfuckingbothered. )

If you have to piss, go piss and then fuck off.

[ all the comforts of the mansion can't make him relax — not the soft beds, not the fine food (not as good as his), not the plush carpets beneath his feet or the priceless artwork adorning the walls. he feels like an impostor even as he fits in with criminal ease, flitting about with a flirtatious smile on his face when he's in the dining room, trying to weasel his way into the kitchen so he can secure a spot where he feels most comfortable.

because he is decidedly not comfortable in his suite, alone as he is, knowing zoro is one bathroom away. the bed feels too large, too cold, too empty after months of warm limbs crowding together. the sleek walls look unnatural after gazing at rough hewn wood that zoro had fitted with shelves and knobs so that sanji could hang his pots and store utensils. nothing feels right, not even his own body that he spends each night tracing with shaking fingertips, wondering how something that should be familiar could feel like such a betrayal. it's a return to normalcy, and yet it couldn't be more unwelcome.

long stretches of time pass where he doesn't hear zoro at all, usually because zoro gets lost wandering around the manor's shifting halls. good. sanji would rather have the entire suite to himself. he's not in a sociable mood unless the person who wants to socialize is nami (or some other pretty girl, because it's not like he can just ignore a lady when they bat eyes at him), so all the better when he can pretend that zoro doesn't exist entirely. the only other good thing about having zoro as a suitemate is that he never, ever has to wonder if the bathroom is occupied. it never is, because zoro doesn't believe in bathing.

he goes from pissy to downright vengeful when he walks in to see zoro lounging in the tub. ]

What the hell are you doing here?

[ sanji is already stripped bare, his towel wrapped around his waist, a plush, bunny-eared headband holding his bangs back, a pair of pink slippers on his feet. he immediately wishes he were clothed, which is a ludicrous thought considering the things he's done in bed with zoro, his nipples pebbling suddenly from the memory of a rough kitten tongue laving over his skin, milky droplets running down — shit. ]

Get out of the tub, you shithead. You don't even know what you're doing. Did you lose your way to the lake?

[ he stomps over, his eyes falling on the pearly drops of water slipping down the muscled planes of zoro's chest. slipping his towel from his waist, he seats himself on the edge of the tub, drawing one leg up in what might be considered comely for anyone else, but in this case holds a very specific threat for zoro's personhood. ]

( immediately, zoro's face starts to lose the i-don't-give-a-fuck war, mouth drawing into a scowl the moment the cook starts fucking — bitching at him. what the hell is he doing here? what kind of stupid fucking question is that? there's an equally pissy response sitting right on the tip of his tongue, but he practically bites it off to keep it from coming out.

if this shitty cook were normal, he'd apologize and, as previously requested, fuck off. unfortunately, sanji isn't normal, so — even after a pretty valiant attempt at ignoring him, the bitching continues, this time far closer to him, accented words burrowing somewhere uncomfortable in his mind. annoyed, zoro finally blinks his eyes open and turns his head to glare at this shithead and he's met with —

too much skin. muscled thighs. a cock that zoro's never really looked at before that he looks at for far longer than he probably should, considering they're not —

up a little higher, and there's two pretty blue eyes glaring down at him, perfectly in tact, unobscured by his typical blonde swoop of bangs. if zoro's face is red, it's because of the god damn water he's sitting in that's radiating heat. honestly, if he didn't think it would feel like a victory for sanji, he'd probably sink into its fucking depths, beneath the bubbles haphazardly floating on top. )

Yeah, no. Not happening. ( blasé is always better when it comes to the cook. drawing his arms into the water, he rolls his eyes before closing them again, unbothered as hell besides the annoying thump of his heart in his chest. ) Try again. Or, better yet — don't.

[ not happening. zoro isn't moving. for a long moment they simply glower at each other, a standstill of hateful, complicated feelings sucking all the air from the damply heated room. sanji imagines kicking zoro in the face, maybe overturning the claw-footed tub or even cracking it in two and watching the water cascade over the gleaming floors. that wouldn't do either of them any favors, and he doesn't want to be so disrespectful to the servants of the house. sure, there doesn't seem to be a cruelly domineering master like judge vinsmoke residing over the manor, but sanji remembers what it was like to be stuck in a place like this. hell, he remembers all the staff at the baratie turning tail and fleeing over all the fights that erupted each day, so sanji is no stranger to scrubbing toilets and mopping floors. his scowl stays firmly in place, but he sets his basket of soaps and shampoo down at the edge of the tub, a sign that he intends to seemingly peacefully coexist in their shared space. ]

I need to get ready for dinner. I don't show up to nice events smelling like piss like you do.

[ he swings his legs over and dips his feet in the tub, then sinks them past the bubbles, planting them down so he can sit comfortably. his eyes steal another glance at zoro's broad chest, the tracery of scars across his skin. sanji's eye pangs with a sudden phantom ache, a memory of when it wasn't there at all and there was just zoro's gentle touch across a throbbing wound. he swallows, cupping a handful of water in his palm and splashing it over zoro's head. ]

You haven't washed your hair. You're going to dinner like that? Hold your breath.

[ aggressively and before he can protest, he pushes zoro's shoulder down and dunks his entire head beneath the sudsy water, then drags him back up, but positions him between his legs, uncapping his sweet-smelling shampoo and immediately beginning to lather up his hair, his firm, long fingers massaging his scalp from his temples all the way to the nape of his neck. he can't help but feel like he's giving a cat a very thorough petting session. ]

( this kind of feels like a test — a test of zoro's willpower, or something, to see if he'll cave, if he'll react. he wishes he had the wado here, resting beside the bathtub within arm's reach, so he could slice this shithead's dick off. he wishes this shithead would just sink into the water with him, sit between his thighs and lean back against him so that maybe he could wrap his arms around his middle the way they used to sometimes sleep.

it's a test that zoro's really trying not to fail, even if it means lounging there beneath the bubbles with his eyes closed and his mouth quirking downwards with displeasure, like if he keeps his mouth shut, the cook will actually leave him the fuck alone. it's a stupid thought, considering how good sanji's been at leaving him the fuck alone over the past few weeks — why bother now? his frown only deepens.

apparently, it's futile, because before he knows it, the cook's sticking his feet in the water next to him and setting down his stupid little basket of fancy bottles of whatever-the-hell that zoro finally turns his head to eyeball. what ever happened to a good old fashioned bar of soap rubbed over his skin and on top of his head? stupid. ) Hey, w—

( zoro's too busy mentally complaining to resist the veritable baptism he's given by sanji's hand, emerging from the depths of the water with a huff of a breath and green hair wet and flattened on top of his head. it stuns him into silence, radiating the quiet fury of the pissy cat that he once was until — there are hands in his hair, massaging shampoo that smells a little too good through the strands and over his scalp.

now, instead of a test, it feels kind of like a set-up. had nami said something to him? zoro hasn't really said anything to nami about what happened; he's just refused to bring the cook up first in conversation, occasionally refused to sleep in his own bedroom because the distance between them felt too big and yet not remotely big enough and nami's still his lifeline, even without their connection.

he wants to be mad, but it's hard to be when sanji's hands feel so annoyingly good as he washes zoro's hair for him, make the part of his throat that might've rumbled with contentment in another life feel hollow. the tension slowly eases out of his shoulders, and finally ... he tips his head back, looking up at the cook in his silly little headband with pathetically tired eyes and just asking: ) Why?

[ why. it's the eternal question that sanji keeps asking himself as he boomerangs away from zoro and back again, always back into his orbit and into his arms, somehow pulled toward him like a ball on a string. it's pathetic. being here has unearthed all the loneliness he thought was permanently buried since the moment reiju pushed him away from the vinsmoke mansion and toward his freedom with the command to never return home again. he's a ghost walking these halls without nami's connection tethering him to something, without zeff's presence, without the merry being able to take them far away to the next adventure. they're stuck. and sanji would have thought he'd know better how to deal with being stuck by now, but he's not dealing well at all. ]

Because someone has to take care of you.

[ because you always take care of me.

the scar running jaggedly over his healed eye is proof of that, normally covered, but he doesn't have many secrets from zoro. just his fragmented past, but that's a secret from almost everyone. even nami has just bits and pieces of the story, maybe enough to put everything together if he doesn't start acting normal again soon. his fingertips brush zoro's earrings, a slight metallic tinkle in the air, and then he's rubbing suds behind his ears, traveling down the strong line of his throat to the dip of his shoulder blades. after a moment he comes back up, draping his arms around his shoulders to rest his fingertips at his collarbones. ]

There's something wrong with this place. Nami's gotten too comfortable, and I don't want to scare her. I need you to help me figure it out.

[ he dips his hands into the tub, washing away the suds and scooping up clear water, cascading it over zoro's shoulders. ]

I need you with me. I can't do this alone. This place, it — it scares me worse than where we just came from.

( there's a part of zoro that wants to bristle at sanji's answer — nobody has to take care of him, which might be true, but nami and sanji still find ways to do it anyway. maybe it was more true in the village than here, where almost any need can be met at the snap of fingers, but —

it's obvious that they still need each other, because sanji's right. there is something wrong with this place, and zoro won't admit it, but with luffy here now, there's a part of him that's gotten a little comfortable, too. he's stuck following the tedium of his daily routines, bookended so nicely by daily egg breakfasts and nightly black tie dinners. he lets out a long sigh, chin tipping up a little as sanji's fingers toy with his earrings, trace over his collarbones, linger there. the last time sanji touched him, it was his hands gripping his shoulder blades, tips of his nails indenting into his skin, thighs tightening around him, gasping against his mouth —

i need you with me. he's said it before, zoro's said it before, and they'll both probably say it again. it's the truth, and right now, it's probably as close to an apology for ... whatever the fuck happened that first weekend in sanji's bedroom. puke. cake. tears and harsh words. a sealed bottle of wine. the warm water courses over his shoulders, and he hums his assent. it's pretty fucking worrying that sanji finds this place more terrifying than the last, but zoro's learned to take things one at a time with the cook. it's a thought that he's holding onto for now, though, not remotely done with it.)

C'mere.

( and it's certainly less than graceful, but zoro uses the lip of the bathtub to push himself up and onto his knees, definitely sloshing bubbles and water onto the floor in the process, turning around to face sanji. placid as ever, zoro's wet hands reach up and cup sanji's cheeks to guide his face down, his chin craning up so he he can place perhaps the softest, gentlest kiss against his lips. lingering: )

It's still warm — you should get in.

it's my birthday.

( weird text, because she doesn't know where they stand, but. you know. it's her day and if she wants several boyfriends on this day, she's going to get them. )

when's yours?

[ !!! ]

i’ve charmed my way into the kitchen several times now. they have tangerines here, perfect for tarts. not today. we should be celebrating you! don’t worry, the best chef in the east blue still has time to whip up a feast for your special day, nami-swan. ♥

Edited 2024-07-05 11:55 (UTC)

( hmmmm....... )

ok! ♥ but i also want you to come on a spa date with me. do you have time for both?

a date? with you? of course i have time for both! i’ll bring your feast so i can feed you and massage your feet at once during our spa time! anything for you. i wish you’d told me earlier so i could have planned a day for you, but i promise to make this the best date ever.

great! just consider the whole month my birthday, so you can spoil me however you like. :-) koby and zoro are coming too. zoro's birthday is november 11th. i have to figure out koby's still. that just leaves you.

oh. that’s not really a date. but i’d be happy to feed everyone. don’t worry about mine. it already passed. is there anything else you want to do this month? i’d like to spend some time with just you and i.

what do you mean it passed already? why didn't you say something? let's have a nice dinner, just us sometime. we can eat outside if the weather's nice. there are always weird rooms popping up. we can go adventuring.

i didn't want a big fuss made over it. your birthday is much more important. besides, i did celebrate. bee made me a crooked cake. i gave you and zoro both some. you just didn't know it was a birthday cake. a dinner for just the two of us. i'll make all your favorites. adventuring with nami! ♥ you know, with the way the rooms are always changing, we need to figure out a way for zoro to find his way around. i'm not looking for him every time he gets lost. something like breadcrumbs. but not actual breadcrumbs because that's a waste of food.

don't you think we would've wanted to know? hmmmm how about a collar with a bell? or you could tie a string to him, so we can follow that if he gets lost.

( it's actually so generous of her not to point out that sanji is worried about him. thank u. )

i hate surprises. i wouldn't have wanted any of you to go through the trouble. i wouldn't have wanted it to go wrong. you always take care of zoro. and he... he takes care of me when i need it. i think i'm the one that's not pulling my weight.

( very momentarily offended. but, well. with their track record, maybe it's valid to presume they would've fucked it up. )

you aren't trouble. you're our guy. are you kidding? you do more than either of us. what's this really about?

i told zoro i loved him. right before everything changed again and we ended up here.

[ please.... Kill Him........... ]

( oh. )

did you mean it?

we were in the middle of fucking. and he didn't say it back to me so it doesn't matter. and i told him we were over when we got here, so whatever he's saying now is just a load of shit.

sometimes

( extended, minutes long wait. nami's cuticles are all bitten and torn by the time she actually messages back, which makes it fortunate they're going to a spa today, and no one can clock the anxiety making her fingertips bleed. )

sometimes it's not easy to say it, for some people. it doesn't mean they don't feel it, just because they can't say it. you know? sometimes they show it instead. even if they suck at it.

( they're talking about zoro, obviously. Anyway, )

zoro is an idiot but he's not a liar. can you guys please behave for my birthday? pleeeeease please please.

[ they're talking about zoro. right. ]

i think you're perfect the way you are, nami. i want you to know that. you've always been perfect to me.

[ cringe is not in his vocabulary.

zoro is an idiot (true) but he's not a liar (also true). which means that the thing zoro said right before he stormed out... he probably meant it. which is pretty much the worst thing sanji has ever thought about. ]

he said he was going to tell me he loved me, but then i told him it was over and that he was useless. so then he got pissy and stormed out, and everything's been shitty since. that's it. i don't know what he's been telling you, but that's all that happened. i'll do anything you want. if zoro's going to be at the spa too, then i'll make sure he regrets it if he misbehaves. your birthday can't be anything less than perfect.

ok sappy!! ( off screen: secretly extremely pleased he thinks she's so perfect. she isn't, obviously, but sanji's always had rose-tinted, or maybe tangerine-tinted goggles on. ) you look good when you're flattering me. he hasn't told me anything. other than complaints he has about you, which isn't new. but i mean why it is over again? you're missing that part. yay 🧡 it'll be perfect with you three there.

[ he's missing that part. but how can he explain that everything about this place sets him on edge, that he doesn't feel at home in his own body, that he thinks something terrible is lurking behind the pristine halls and ever-changing rooms? nami is clearly more comfortable here than the less than stellar place they'd come from — and for good reason. his heart aches every time he sees the scars still littering her skin.

he can't explain that this place is just like the vinsmoke mansion, that he swore reiju he'd never go back there, and now he feels like he's walked right through the very same doors. every day the knowledge that there isn't an exit to be found winds a little tighter inside of him. they're trapped. and nami and zoro and even koby don't seem nearly as close to losing it as they should be. ]

it's your birthday. let's only talk about happy things! like the secret menu for your spa day. you can put in one request, but everything else is going to be a surprise, and i promise you'll love it.

( the avoidance is heard loud and clear. so nami has two choices: she can either get hurt and upset that sanji chose once again to keep her on the outside of his feelings, or she can meddle and probably piss him off again, and make the whole situation a million times worse. obviously the latter is the better choice.

and anyway, it is her birthday. if zoro and sanji don't expect her to meddle, they don't know her at all. )

tangerine tarts? they're my favorite.

Did you not tell Zoro about me? I mean, thank you but He has no idea. He has NO IDEA I wasn't READY FOR THIS CONVERSATION I'm going to have to explain things SO CLEARLY because he won't GET IT OTHERWISE.

what, that you used to have tits? why the hell would i tell him that? just take off your shirt and show him. he's too stupid to understand anything else.

I don't know?? Maybe? I don't know what you two talk about. I thought he knew. I wore Nami's clothes for MONTHS. Well, that seems extreme.

we don't talk about you, for starters. we don't talk about anything right now, because i don't have anything to say to him. assuming that zoro even knew those were nami's clothes is a stretch. he's the sort of person that doesn't recognize the obvious differences between us and the fairer sex. i think he sees everyone as anthropomorphic blobs. or you can have the conversation. enjoy beating your head against a green brick wall.

I see. You're still upset with each other? Well, you don't need to be MEAN. I think he just isn't The most observant. That's all. Besides, it was cold in the village, I was always bundled up, so who notices clothes anyway?

[Not like here, where clothes seem to be completely optional.]

Well, if he doesn't know, I want him to. I don't mind explaining it. So far nobody's freaked out over it.

i'm not upset. everyone. everyone notices clothes. except for him. koby, that shitty idiot might not even know that he's a man. but go ahead and try to explain that you hacked your tits off because you didn't like them. i guarantee you he won't understand. if anyone freaks out, i'll break their shitty face. what about your you know ???

[ ..................... pussy???????????????? ]

Don't lie to me. I'm too tired. I'm not going to tell you that you NEED to reconcile or anything. I think it'd help, but I've already made that clear. I personally didn't hack anything, it was someone I paid in a port. But I'll explain it as best I can. It's fine if he doesn't understand, I barely understand it all. What about it? [It's??? Fine???]

[ what if he just. does not. ]

are you fucking around? because you know back at the village zoro did some shit to me and i ended up you know when my body was different you know what i'm saying.

[ don't get pregnant and die like him. ]

[:||| how does Nami stand these guys.]

OH. Yes, I remember. I'm being careful. Mostly. [Liar.]

Anyway, maybe it has to be magical here too. I'll know in a couple days for sure. I'm still trying to figure out how everything here works.

so you're not being careful. you're supposed to be one of the smart ones, you idiot. i don't know how things work here. but i don't want anything to happen to you. i don't want a repeat of what happened back at the village here. keep yourself fucking normal.

Nothing is going to happen to me or any of us. I promise.

[He can't promise that, actually, and they both know it, but.]

I'll just Be more cautious, that's all. Also if I mean I know talking isn't really your thing but If you're still feeling You know If things feel weird now that you're back to yourself and not I'm here, that's all. I know what that feels like. So.

[ he is. Feeling. and he can't talk to zoro about it because they're not talking about anything, and he doesn't want to bog nami down with any more of his problems when she has a chance to be comfortable and happy for the first time in months. ]

i can't go back to how i was. i don't know if i want to. but i wasn't ready for everything to change. i lost something. i don't know what it was. i don't know if i'll ever know. don't say anything about it to anyone. i don't want them to know. it's a stupid thing to talk about. that's why i don't want it to happen to you.

It's not stupid.

[He could say more, but -- that's the most important part. So important that again:]

Nothing about that is stupid. I'll be careful, but You're allowed to be angry. About that and about Being stuck here. You're not stupid.

do you hate blowjobs or something

[ !!! ]

i wouldn't make you do that. i like servicing you. i love servicing you, nami! that gets me there faster than a blowjob ever could.

[ did he.... pass....... ]

( unbelievable!!! )

if a girl asks if you like blowjobs your response is supposed to be “yes of course princess” with a lot of excitement

[ could nami..... be wrong............. ]

yes of course, princess! it's just that you've never really offered them to me before.

i’m always distracted you do that on purpose

you think i'm going down on you to distract you from letting you give me a blowjob? that's just part of a man's duty to a woman. i didn't know you were interested.

( ok maybe he has a point )

maybe i got in the mood or something just realized i haven’t done it before i like it when you go down on me i like it when you tell me what you like too

do you do it to zoro?

[ don't be crazy don't be crazy don't be crazy ]

i like everything that you do to me. i think i like your kisses the best. when it's just your lips on mine, and i can feel how fast your heart gets. it's like you're speaking to me without words.

i don’t do it to anyone do you think i’m mean?

( why doesn’t anyone want her blowjobs. is it because she’s bossy. do they feel like they can’t ask. does she even want them to ask. )

hehe 🧡 you’re the sappiest guy ever is it like that with whoever you kiss

no! you don't have to do that. ever. not if you don't want to. but... do you want to?

[ ... ]

i've only done it once. i'm not much of an expert. at all. but i liked it. the one time i did it. i don't have it done to me very often. honestly, i don't even remember the last time. no. kissing you is a uniquely singular experience. nothing compares. nothing else in the world is like it.

yes

( possibly she just needed to be under the influence to admit it to herself. that, or the desire will disappear once she sobers up. either way. )

with zoro and me you mean? he liked it too. brings it up a lot you're good at kissing probably because you have a lot of experience with it

you can try it on me. if you want. and you can stop anytime if you don't like it. he does? i didn't think i'd be very good at it. he's the only person i've ever done that to. it's much easier with girls but it's not bad with men either or it's not bad with him because i don't like any other men. i am?! i don't have that much experience, nami! i mean... back at the baratie, maybe... we did get a lot of customers... but it wasn't anything like what we do. nothing is like what we do.

ok :) i will then oh yeah not like all the time all the time but he brought it up to me when he was missing the connection between all of us he liked that i was part of it even if he couldn't see me anyway i think most guys think it's harder to go down on girls

( best most patient girlfriend of the year award goes to nami, for not pointing out how easily sanji says he likes zoro. )

and the girls in otherworld

( mission sext sanji has become mission get extremely jealous over absolutely nothing, and she has a 100% success rate. )

sanji. what do you think of this place?

( Someone is still trying to wrap their head around things it seems. Luffy has noticed that despite people saying there's no way out, not a lot of people appear to be looking for one either..... )

[ immediate suspicion that someone told luffy he's three steps away from a mental break about this place, specifically. shitty fucking swordsman, he'll kill AND murder him — ]

food could be better. why do you ask? did something happen?

food is okay.
what isn't happening?
koby said you had all been here for a long time and i wanted to ask you about it. does the weirdness go away at any point because i heard the rooms keep changing around too.

( Alas Sanji, your ire for Zoro will need to find another way. )

i wouldn't say it's been a long time here. we were somewhere else before. less amenities, but it didn't feel like we were as trapped. this place feels like a prison. and yes, the rooms keep changing, so i don't think it's possible to keep an accurate map. at least not yet. i suspect there has to be some kind of pattern if we just keep documenting the changes. nami's mapping the place, but it's hard work to keep up when the rooms don't stay still, so we could use some help.

feels like? it is a prison. i don't think anyone asked to come here. i just need to find who's in charge and sort them out! can't find the one piece sitting here. i even asked the library for something from home and got it so there's definitely a path somewhere.

just not the gate. it's a horrible gate, ugly.

i know there are other people taking notes too but i don't know if they want to share but i can ask.

luffy, if you find out who's in charge, you can't just go charging at them with your fists. you don't have any experience with how these kind of places operate. nami's better at asking people for things. she's more likely to get information than you are. people love talking to a pretty girl.

no i don't have experience, do you? anyway if they wanted to TALK they wouldn't be hiding or staying out of our way much. they know this is wrong.

nami's pretty? ( Give Luffy a moment. See, Nami looks great but he's pretty sure if he called Nami pretty there'd be a smack for saying it. Confusing. ) i talk to people at breakfast and they tell me things too, it's a skill a captain needs. where do you think i heard of a BLT?

[ dead silence for a good several minutes. ]

i have some experience, yeah. you're better off keeping your head down until we know more. nami's obviously the prettiest girl here. all right, fine, you get information at breakfast since there's never a chance in hell you're going to miss breakfast anyway. zoro is useless at helping us with the map unless someone goes with him, so now that you're here, we can cover more ground in mapping out the place. places like these usually have a level underground. beyond just the otherworld. oftentimes they use it to hide people. there could be a way out from there.

( Luffy needs at least five minutes to digest all of that. And for once he knows better than to ask about it over texts. )

i'll keep my head down until we know what is happening.

i didn't really look. should i be?
between all of us we can cover a lot of ground. hiding people. like ones who step out of line you think? you're right there should be a way out, how can there not be when there's a way in? and where does all the food here come from? is it delivered?

Edited 2024-07-27 18:44 (UTC)

it won't be easy to find. that's the whole point of a place that hides things. [ did he say people? anyway. ] we had shipments of supplies to the baratie once a week. we'd go under without them. with the way they're feeding us, they have to be getting supplies from somewhere, but i've never seen any deliveries being made. the kitchen is always stocked, too. luffy. if you find a place that looks dangerous, don't go off on your own. we can't help you if we don't know where you are.

we just got to follow the trail when we find it, and there's got to be one with things getting in! maybe i need to spend more time in the kitchen.

right, we need to deal with this together and leave no-one behind. i'll talk to the others.

( Sooner or later the fact there's no way out may sink in. )

are you okay? as captain i have to check in on all my crew especially with the weird time stuff. koby mentioned things had been bad at some point but he didn't want to go into details.

really, more time in the kitchen? funny how your road somehow always ends up there. me? of course i'm okay. [ what the hell did koby say. he'll kill that shitty marine no matter how much he cares about him now. ] whatever happened is over. you're here now, and that's all that matters.

it doesn't look suspicious if i'm there :)

okay. ( Something about people and cake. The few little bits Luffy heard was bad enough to have him looking twice at any cakes in future. ) i should have been here sooner, but you're right i'm here now.

we really need to get home.

we've left usopp on his own.

you look suspicious everywhere you go. it's not your fault. you would've been here if you could. and anyway, it's for the best that you weren't. i know. we've been... me, nami, and zoro — koby, too — we've been trying to get home for a while now. we ended up somewhere else before this house. it was some kind of village. that's over now too, but we've been looking for a way out for months. i left someone behind there, too. you didn't know her. she was just some shitty little kid i met. anyway, it doesn't matter. just be careful or my foot'll find your ass.

i am a master at blending in.

( They both know that's not true, but at least Luffy can laugh about it. )

all did good, i've only been here a week and my head is still spinning. thank you for looking after koby. it must be hard for him without his haircut friend or grandpa around to support.

yeah? you should tell me about her sometime.

and wow careful i've seen what those feet can do.

(The next time Sanji leaves his room he'll find a small bag of rough-shaped sugar cookies in a bag on the ground by his door. The label says Sanji. Only fair as captain that I make you something! Luffy.

Said cookies look passable and probably would have been, had Luffy checked the ingredients and used sugar rather than salt. It's the thought that counts, right?)

[ it's not the captain's job to feed him. and yet. ]

i find it's actually less work if you use cookie cutters, but i prefer the look of every single cookie being mismatched. makes for good, uneven baking, too. i ate the whole bag!

[ he sends luffy a picture of the sugar and salt dispensers, which now have sanji's neat scrawl on the bottom in marker labeling which is which. ]

i've never seen you bake before. new hobby?

it was more fun seeing how they would turn out without using the cutters. i didn't know if they'd be round or square shaped!

you did? not a new hobby, i thought i would give it a try, see if i could understand your dream a bit better.

salt and sugar look the same....

[ none of them are round or square shaped. all of them are blob shaped. ]

how do you feel about it? gonna give up on becoming the king of the pirates to become the king of sugar cookies instead? well, no one wants to eat a handful of salt. so i'd recommend checking the labels first.

how can i be king of the cookies when someone better has that role already? i'm never going to rock that boat! :D

i looked at some labels and there were numbers in the ingredients on some things?

you didn't need to change your vote if you didn't want to. i changed mine to take the heat from the others when people thought we were ganging up.

i changed it because it was the right thing to do. alexei was innocent. at least of that particular crime. i don't give a shit if people think we're ganging up. we're a crew. what the hell do they expect?

[Koby stays angry for all of one day, surprise.]

Are you okay?

are you in your room

why the fuck do you want to know

( because he can't let nami know that he's upset about the guy whose dick he sucked getting murdered!!!! duh.

every day, zoro suffers. )

i just don't feel like being by myself because i'm pretty sure i'm gonna fucking kill someone

( maybe he should just kill this shitty cook instead. )

[ oh. well, that's new. ]

does it have anything to do with that guy dying?

[ it was violent enough to turn even sanji's stomach, the cruelty like a cold hand around his neck. whatever attraction he'd felt for pierce has been shifted to a far less pressing place now. ]

you'll put a target on all of our backs if you kill someone. don't be stupid. i'm in my room.

he didn't die he was murdered

( it feels like an important distinction. people, like his mom, die of illness all the time. people, like his dad, are murdered by pirates. there's purpose. there's intent.

it was supposed to be over. )

i'm so fucking tired of feeling powerless here like i can't protect anyone

( and that's all zoro sends because he is very quickly opening the door to sanji's room from their adjoining bathroom, dropping the wado on the floor with a noisy clang before wordlessly crossing the room and climbing into sanji's bed, curling up beside him, head in his lap and face buried against his thighs, clothes and still-shaking hands covered in a thin layer of white dust. )

[ powerless is an apt description, even if sanji has never and could never see zoro in such a way. his eyes flick towards the door when zoro clambers in, unmoving when he joins him on the bed, interrupting his mental menu exercises, a futile attempt to feel useful in his own way.

the one hand preoccupied with his cigarette stays at his mouth, but the other brushes dust from zoro's shoulder, rubbing his fingers together. ]

That guy made his choices. You heard what he did. No, he didn't deserve to be murdered for it, but there's no way you could've protected him. There's no way you could've known.

Who was he to you anyway?

My friend.

( and zoro leaves it at that, because at the heart of it, that is what matt was to zoro. a friend that helped him come to terms with the magic they'd left behind in the village, the depths of the connections they'd lost. he learned, too, that there's all kinds of magic in this house — even some that reminded him of the parts he liked despite being in the witches' hold.

so, yeah, zoro sucked his dick and experienced matt's sex magic in a way that felt so warm and safe and familiar, but matt was so much more than his sex magic. and his dick. that zoro sucked.

he takes in a long inhale of the cigarette smoke lingering in the air before sighing. )

That's what everyone kept telling me after Nami was attacked — that there's no way I could've protected her. But I was sleeping right next to her when she was taken.

What kind of swordsman can't defend his crew?

[ that zoro would go off and make a friend that sanji doesn't know about has him feeling a little prickly, even if sanji has gone off and done all sorts of things that he shouldn't have. clearly, this friend meant a great deal to him, if he's sulking in his lap over his murder. ]

You already know why that happened. We blacked out, all of us. Stop blaming yourself. You were still the best person to be with her that night. I don't regret that it was you.

[ idiot, he wants to tack on at the end, though he understands his pain, his guilt. he feels it too, in that he wasn't the one to be with nami. he wasn't worthy of being at her side, and might never be again. ]

We're all alive. [ alive, though in varying degrees of happiness. the alive part is the one that matters most right now, though. ] Who do you think has kept us alive and together all this time? It sure as hell wasn't me, and Luffy and Usopp only just got here.

[ his eye gives a phantom throb beneath his hair. quieter — ] You're the reason I'm alive, and you're definitely the only reason Nami's stayed this long.

( none of it really makes zoro feel any better, too weighed down by the freshness of matt's death, the gruesome video that made his hands shake so badly he almost dropped his phone, the immediate need to swing his sword and see blood. he didn't know any of the people who died during that fucked up game, so even with how overwhelming the guilt from nami's attack had felt, the death thing hadn't sunken in. zoro can't help but remember the last time a friend died, a promise that he still hasn't been able to fulfill —

but he's made other promises, too. to luffy, to help him become king of the pirates. to sanji and nami, all the way back in a cramped bed in a witch's castle with a broken leg and blood smeared between their interlocked hands, to protect the two of them until the end. the end, some nebulous, unknown thing that zoro never hopes to see.

the cook is right — he still has them, at least. he's done that much. even in the midst of all of his failings, he still has luffy and usopp and koby and nami and sanji. sanji, who has miraculously not told zoro to fuck off.

he turns over, head still in sanji's lap, looking up at the ceiling. )

Tell me about the North Blue.

[ he thinks maybe zoro will fall asleep in his lap, and he won't entirely mind it — at least it'll mean he can go back to mapping out his imaginary menu and feeling the ache of missing the galley on the merry. pep talk done, he tips his head back and blows a lazy ring toward the ceiling, his brow tightening when he feels zoro shift.

the question registers. no, not a question. it's a demand, really, and sanji bristles immediately, expertly tamping down the swell of panic that threatens to rise in his chest. he has half a mind to give zoro a shitty, textbook answer about the landscape and climate of the north blue, the vegetation and the wildlife and the types of fish found in the seas — but when he steals a glance down, something in zoro's gaze unfortifies him. ]

The North Blue, eh? [ he shouldn't. he can't. it's the one thing he promised, the only reason judge vinsmoke let him go alive. don't tell anyone i'm your father. ] The part I'm from is a military kingdom. There's a big castle there, with five different towers. I haven't gone back since I was eight or nine. Can't remember.

[ he remembers. eight years old, after spending months in the dungeon with an iron mask over his head. ]

I was on a cruise ship after that. It was called the Orbit. Served as a trainee chef there, and was the best one you ever saw. [ another plume of smoke into the air, his heart beating uncomfortably fast even as he sits casually still. ] Two years on that ship, and then Red Leg Zeff boarded us and tried to kill me. A storm got us both first, though. Then we spent eighty-five days stranded on a rock before someone rescued us. Just me and him — on separate sides, because he was a shitty old geezer with no conversational skills. And no food.

[ his free hand comes down, smoke wafting out as he exhales, his fingertips resting lightly against the tight muscles of zoro's stomach. his hand curls, gently. ]

I told Luffy the story. You were too busy dying.

Sanji of the pirates.

Have you time to speak with me?

depends on what you're asking for. are you hungry?

No, I'm not. I do not speak to you on my own behalf.

What do you know about birth days?

[ flashback to nearly a decade of them spent in various states of fear, hurt, and imprisonment. the first time zeff and the other rowdy chefs at the baratie had thrown him a surprise party, sanji had had a panic attack, then told zeff to go fuck himself. ]

they're a happy time, usually when you eat a big fancy cake and blow out a bunch of candles. you need a cake? no one here can make one better than me. is it for your hot mum?

[ ——pause on everything for a moment as he gets his blood pressure BACK IN LINE. ]

I would thank you to not speak of my mother so comfortably. It is for my nephew. His name day is in a month from now.

—Did you get the previous cake to my mother, also? Plum, with roasted pecan and cinnamon? I had asked the other one to have it made. Not the younger other, the older one who doesn't cook.

Edited 2024-11-16 01:15 (UTC)

[ nephew? ew. ]

i can do a cake for your nephew. tell me about what he likes. flavors. nah, that wasn't me. you must've asked carmy. he and his friend aren't around anymore, but it's no big loss. if she likes plum cake, i can make her another. a woman should never be in want of cake.

This is not for my mother. Make her a cake in your own time if you like, just do not speak of it to me.

And I do not care what kind of cake it is. Something sweet, I suppose. With the candles. I only need it made, and made well.

[ one has to wonder why he's even asking for this, truly... ]

If I understand the calendar here correctly, it will be on the 16th of December. I would need it by then.

does she like other things than plums? most cakes are fairly sweet. that doesn't exactly narrow it down for your nephew. i can whip up something great, trust me, but if you want to ask him about his tastes, you can let me know in a couple days so i can make something a bit more tailored to his palate. great. plenty of time for your little family party.

[ ?

????????? ]

Tarts and citruses. Light sweetness, with a cut of sour or salt. She does not mind savoury flavours in her desserts, but they will not be her first choice. Roasted almonds and dried peaches are not as common in King's Landing, you would gain favour with them among the servings.

There will be no party. There will be no other questions. It will be just cake. This does not need to be more than a simple pastry.

[ takes extensive notes for the hot mum, nothing for the nephew he's supposed to be baking for. ]

ok, sure, one cake coming up for your shitty nephew. does he have other friends i can ask since you know fuck all about his tastes?

[ this is ruining the surprise!!! ]

I will make a few things clear now. Please pay attention.

One; This is meant to be a surprise.
Two; I would like to not be mentioned if he asks about the cake. In fact, I would prefer to be completely erased from that conversation, if it ever happens.
Three; His mother, stepfather, and stepsister-cousin is here. If you truly must ask, you have options.

How did you even come into my mother's purview?

i'll make different tiers with different flavors, then. or maybe i'll just make ten different cakes to demonstrate how much you love him. i don't know your mother. but everyone knows of her.

[ oh, in that case - a moment of pride for his mother. ]

Her reputation is well-earned, and worthy of respect.

Just one cake. Why are you

You are having your fun with this, aren't you?

Hello. This is Sanji the cook?

I have something I would like to deliver to you, if you're available near the kitchen.

I can meet you there.

What the hell is it?

[He's going to try very hard not to be self-conscious or anxious, but:]

... A meal, if you shall accept it.

[It's probably nothing compared to what the man could apparently cook. Even so, it is something made of his own hands, with his own fire. His reward for surviving the game had been a fireplace in his room, and he has put it to use.]

During the werewolf situation, I had lost my temper in the heat of emotion. I've extended an apology to Portia, but — I would also like to apologize to you for having to involve yourself in such an impious display.

[ he remembers. he remembers this punk ass kid who made portia cry, but he also remembers being a punk ass kid who was a shit to everyone who crossed his path. what he doesn't remember is the last time in recent history that anyone offered him a meal. not that he wants anyone to do that. ]

All that matters is that Portia's feelings have been taken care of.

Did you already cook?

I — did.

[A pause. Hesitation, as if he's a little embarrassed.

But he is also not one to lie.]

It's an Irish pottage. Where I'm from, we don't have much in the way of complicated recipes, so it may lack any luster for a chef... but it's something from home that gave me some quiet and peace to create here.

[ the moment sears him with painful clarity, a tiny version of himself from a lifetime ago. ]

An Irish pottage, you say? Well, I have to try it now.

There isn't any food that lacks luster for me. That's an idiotic thing to say to a chef.

You'll have to forgive my ignorance, then; there aren't an abundance of chefs roaming the isolated Irish countryside.

[Ah, there's some youthfully dry wit to bleed through the lack of confidence.

The dryness bubbles up into a chuckle, though.]

I shall meet you there. But make haste, for a pottage that is cold is a tragedy.

Edited (REPETITION NO) 2024-11-21 03:42 (UTC)

you are sanji, yes? the pirate said you are an adept cook.

that's me. most adept cook you'll find around here. i can make anything you want, if that's what you need.

i am glad to hear of it.
luffy said you may be willing to recreate a stew my once mother made. that we might all share it?

[ he loves mommies. ]

of course. i'd be honored! what kind of stew is it?

[ it’s okay she won’t know what that means ]

luffy said it was like throwing everything together and seeing how it worked.
we would use game i hunted and herbs from her garden. i remember some?

some of the best recipes are when you throw everything together and see how it works. have you butchered your game? i can do that part, and any parts we don't use for your stew, we can always make it into a tasty snack for later. tell you what — list all the ingredients you remember, and i'll put it together. how many people are you looking to feed? the whole house?

i have, yes. i used to do it for her, when her hands were unable to.
i remember the rabbit, and onion, and some thyme, i think. there were other herbs, but i would know them better from smell than name.

you're practically a cook, too! you've given me more than enough to work off of. if you bring me the rabbit, i'll pull out some herbs i'd wager were in the recipe, and you can smell them and see if they're familiar. i promise i'll do my best to make your mother proud.

i would not go so far.
i will bring you rabbit, and what else i might find in the forest.

this is very kind of you, cook sanji.

sanji. what happened between you, nami and that other lady on the network?

her name is alina. she's a good person. she's only lashing out because she's been hurt. i screwed everything up, luffy. nami hates me. alina hates me now, too. i don't even deserve to breathe the same air as them.

knock it off, sanji. you deserve to breathe as much as everyone else.

i spoke with alina and it sounds messy. SO.

instead of focusing on the regrets let's figure out how to fix this. everyone makes mistakes, you know? SO what do you want, sanji?

[ TO DIE????????? NO POINT IN LIVING WITHOUT NAMI???????????? ]

there's no fixing this, luffy. i broke nami's heart and her trust. she'll never forgive me, and i don't deserve her forgiveness anyway. after everything she's been through, how could i be so thoughtless? so heartless? if anyone else here could cook worth a damn, i'd tell you to find a new cook for your crew, too.

( sanji pls, luffy will throw you overboard himself if he has to put up with the theatrics too long. )

no! no moping! you've been doing that long enough, no? if nami truly wouldn't forgive you she wouldn't talk to you at all. what is it you think you did to break her heart???

i'd tell you to throw your resignation in the lake where it belongs.

i i had a thing with alina. one time. in the otherworld, after eating something that did something strange to us both. that's not an excuse, i know. but i was unfaithful to nami. i came back right after to find nami waiting for me in my bed. i didn't hide anything from her. that felt worse. but i hurt her. i hurt her so badly. alina has been caught in the middle, but she's my friend, too. just my friend. nothing else has happened, and nothing ever will. but i care about her too, and she's been hurt because of me as well. so, you see? i don't deserve to be a straw hat. zeff didn't raise me like this. i don't even deserve to be a man.

firstly if things like this disqualified us from being straw hats i would be on the chopping block too. you and i both know this place plays games, the fact you told nami straight away instead of hiding it? that's a brave thing! most ppl would just hide it and then imagine if you did that and nami found out.

so you told nami and it went bad. that's it?? all this over just that??

what do you want, sanji? tell me and we will figure it out together.

it's not that simple, luffy. it's not about what i want. i hurt nami. so it's about what nami wants. and she doesn't want me. that's the end of it. there's nothing to figure out. but i do still want to be your cook.

it starts that simple. you know why? cause you're not talking to each other properly. how do you know what nami wants? she's said lots of things to me and never meant them, so why is this different?

do you want to be with nami or not?

i want to make sure i never hurt her again. and that means not being with her. shouldn't a captain support the safety and well-being of his crew?

that's a start. have you thought not being with nami hurts her?

i do support my crews safety and well-being. that includes you too, sanji. and right now it sounds like you're hurting.

that's a stretch, luffy. even for you.

[ please don't point out the obvious pun. ]

i i'm all right. we're all still a crew, and i have a kitchen now to cook for you guys. everything's fine.

what i do best.

( Nope, he couldn't resist. )

everyone says they're fine, and then they're not. and it's not about being a crew, we don't even have a ship here, but it is about making sure my friends are okay. this place sucks, it's a cage with food that enjoys making us hurt.

it's not that bad. at least we're together now, all here, in the same place. it wasn't like that before.

sanji my man i know youre prob gonna be insanely busy with holiday cooking coming up but if i needed a batch of eggnog for say idk at least 200 people do you think you could swing it

[ ????????????? ]

i'm not your fuckin man yeah sure 200 is no problem are you throwing a party?

( ????????????? )

dude its a figure of speech relax im putting on a drag show for christmas so yeah its basically a party

a what show? what're you dragging

no drag as in dudes in dresses ladies in suits crossdressing gender impersonation whatever you wanna call it its an art form but its also a performance

do you want the eggnog spiked

absolutely the stronger the better

[ 30 minutes later ]

who's in the drag show

no one yet i mean except me but im also hosting so duh still working out the details before i send out an open casting call but if youre interested i can go ahead and put your name down

( :D )

youll need a drag name too

what the hell makes you think i'm interested piss off what's your drag name?

youre the one asking about it??? are you always this hot and cold its wyndi lauper like cyndi lauper the musician big in the 80s her most famous song is girls just wanna have fun?

( he's gonna send the song over just in case because he's pretty sanji has no idea what he's talking about. )

shut up

[ wyndi lauper and cyndi lauper are both a mystery to him, but she's mesmerizing and beautiful, and sanji watches the video three times. ]

are you dressing like that in the red dress

( he's gonna take that as a yes. )

something like that yeah just more festive definitely red tho tbh i'll prob have a few outfits wouldnt be a drag show without a dramatic costume change

you gonna sing and dance like her? what else do people do you really think 200 people are gonna come see you in a dress i'll kill you if any of the eggnog goes to waste

singing dancing a little bit of comedy to keep it light some ppl even do more carnival type shit but its really up to the individual performer and what their style is im not expecting 200 people im expecting way less than that to be drinking for like 2 hours straight so i wanna make sure theres enough to go around several times and if theres any left i'll drink the rest myself okay chill out

can i cook

on stage? or just at the show in general

on stage. you said it's up to the individual performer and style. nobody else can do what i can.

[ nara smith era bitch ]

so you are interested 😏 as long as youre in drag sure but it still has to be like entertaining you know like those hibachi dudes who do crazy shit with knives or whatever oh and also holiday themed bc this is a holiday show it can be one of your holidays if you dont have christmas

it sounds like no one else wants to do your shitty show. i can dress up. what's your favorite holiday food? i'll make it. with knives.

( left outside sanji's door on the 12th, sanji will find what might be a familiar bag, reminiscent of sol & scroll's paper bags. the items inside are folded in scant tissue paper, like their wrapper instinctively intended to keep the fragile items tucked inside safe, and decided — at the last second — not to bother. all of the items inside are handpainted, including: an ashtray for his cigarettes, drink coasters in the shapes of various colorful fruits, a set of four plates with floral designs, a decorated tray to hold his eggs as he bakes, and a kitschy set of measuring cups.

underneath the pile of gifts sits a hastily written note that appears jaggedly torn off from a journal page: )

I couldn't let these go to waste, and there's no other chef in the kitchen that would make use of them. I made these for you when I still thought we were friends — but friends don't let their other friends think badly of them, and then do nothing to defend them when they're being treated unfairly.

That's not your fault. It's mine, for thinking anyone in this place won't put their own people above everyone else.

We're even, now. I don't owe you anything more for what you did for me.

— Alina

So.

[He lets it linger juuuust long enough to be about anything -- Nami, Zoro, the crew, the party -- because little shit is the best language Sanji speaks. But then:] Are you going to be in Wally's show?

[ don't ask about nami don't ask about nami don't ask about ]

who else can cook for a crowd here?

Nobody I can think of. But that's not really what I meant. I said "be IN the show".

that's what i'm doing IN the show. i'm cooking. with a lot of knives.

Oh. Well, you didn't SAY that.

did you want me to say something else? are you gonna be there?

"Yes, I will be in the show cooking as part of the show rather than behind the scenes as you mistakenly assumed". Maybe. I'll help out backstage. Lighting and sound and cues and stuff. I don't think I'd be suited for the stage.

wally said i had to be dressed up if i wanted to cook. so i'll be in the show, dressed up, cooking with knives. why not? you were already crazy enough to join the marines once. join something else.

Oh! Good. :) Pink, right? I don't know if it's Allowed? I mean It's different in Otherworld. Nobody can really see me there. Besides, I look so stupid in dresses.

[ how does he Know ]

yeah. a lot of stuff going on, so i have to cook around it. if it's not allowed, i can kill wally for you. but i don't think he's the type to not allow something like that. if you don't want to wear a dress, then don't. you could do that thing where you're not either one.

[ look how far he's come! ]

[Because he looks prettiest in pink, obviously.]

You can do that. You could cook upside-down in a hurricane. Did you pick everything out already? I'll be helping the girls mostly, so they don't hurt themselves, but I can help, if you need me to. No, no, I know. It's more I don't know. I used to wish so, so hard I was pretty, but I wasn't, and that's fine, it's over now. But I guess I'm worried if I try now, I still won't be? That doesn't make any sense, does it. The one that's not either, right. Ambisexual or something like that. [No.]

if you could come by after everything's on and fix everything that needs fixing, that'd be good. jinx is putting on my face. i saw your picture. that time in the snow. remember? you were. pretty. idiot. i don't know what that word means, and i don't know what you want to try to be. but i know it'd be stupid if you decide you can't just for one night.

Nothing's going to need fixing. But good, I'll bring you part of your gift then. Jinx, really? Actually that makes a lot of sense, nevermind. Oh. Right. You know, you're the only one here who has? Who's seen me like that.
[The pause before the next message lasts a bit longer.] You thought I was pretty? I don't really know. A boy. Man. But I used to like flowers and pink and ribbons and soft, nice things. A lot. I still do. Maybe I can be a man who likes those things. Is that what you are? Do you think? Or something else? You can tell me to shut the fuck up, if you want.

i don't need a gift, koby. the gift is that you didn't die when your head exploded. yeah. i don't know why you thought you weren't. maybe because you don't like girls enough. [ or at all? freak. ]

i like all those things. i always have. ever since i was a little brat, i always liked the things my mother and my sister liked more than anything my brothers did. if i never fought again for the rest of my life, i wouldn't miss it. but if i never served another person a warm meal, i'd lose my mind. serving others wasn't seen as something a man should do, in my family. if you're going to be a man, you better be a less shitty one than all the rest. that means just being you. we don't need more of anyone else.

Too late, I made fifty-six Christmas cards to afford it, and it's already wrapped. Pretty girls got adopted. I didn't. I ran away before I could get a job at the cannery or in some rich guy's house as a maid, which was the best a not-pretty orphan could ask for. And I like girls just fine. I'm just not one of them. Oh. [There's a reflexive urge to write this down, to try and trace out a map built from the scraps Sanji's given him, but.] It seems impossible, imagining you not cooking. It'd be a waste. A Tragedy, maybe. I'm glad you didn't listen to your family. About that and everything else. I'll do my best. And maybe try something on, when I'm helping you get ready. If I look stupid you can't laugh at me, though, or I'll cry.

[The gift comes wrapped meticulously in paper that, while not strictly holiday-themed is nevertheless very appropriate, considering who it’s from. The gift is inside, nestled in pale blue tissue paper:

An assortment of candied fruit, nuts and chocolates from the faire, for those of his friends who actually eat. For those who don’t, this portion of the gift is replaced with a simple calendar.

A jar of tea courtesy of Sol & Scroll, because everyone needs more relaxing sleep around here. (He took off the label for you, Sanji, shhh).

For Sanji, the earrings he'd lent him during the drag show, and a tie.

The note, on thick, cream-colored card stock, is in a somewhat wobbly, but earnest hand:]

Sanji -

I miss her too. You have a knack for finding strange, uncomfortable, weird kids and making them feel safe. Like they have a family.

You did that for me. Whatever happens after this place, I'm always going to be grateful for that. Thank you.

I try not to spy, but if it helps: things aren't as bad as you think they are. Nobody who you've loved like that could ever hate you.

Merry Christmas
- Koby

Can you teach me how to make a pie?

[ who the hell is this ]

what kind?

[ Sanji you have insulted him at least four times. ]

Key lime. It's my boyfriend's favorite.

[ gross ]

just get a recipe book and follow the instructions.

[ Make that five. ]

Last time I went in the kitchen I got yelled at. I don't want to step on any toes.

Please? It'll be his birthday. And I'll owe you.

Edited 2025-01-21 23:20 (UTC)

all right, fine. key lime is easy to make. you just have to time it right, because it's got to chill for 12 hours. if you make it in the morning it'll be ready by dinner.

Thank you! You're a lifesaver.

Okay. What about the night before? Or is that too long?

hey chef
what do u fight with
do u fight
i’ll make it better before the undead get here

[ do not die!!! ]

my feet. they can kick you into outer space. you're gonna have to do double duty. power's out, so the perishables have gotta be prepped and cooked before it goes bad. and pack half the meat up. i'm going outside to bury it so it'll stay frozen. we'll need it in two weeks if no other deliveries come.

[ he's trusting u to remember where the stash is ]

uuuuuuugh
sanjiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
it's sooooo cold outside 🥶🥶🥶

nature's freezer. didn't grab a coat? i'm sure nami has something that'll fit you. check the closet, there's a bear onesie in there.

🖕

no coat’s good enough 😖

[ incorrect: silco’s indoor work coat that she refuses to take off isn’t good enough. ]

admit it
ur trying to make me a jinxsicle 🧊

everyone else came back already u know

[ an hour later. ]

ur late

[ the next day — ]

ur keeping nami waiting too
jerk

[ two days after that. ]

i burned the kitchen down
😔😔😔

ok i didnt but i scorched that big pot
the good one
that u like

[ a week later. ]

dont be mad

[ about the lie, the pot, telling zoro where he went. ]

im sorry
just come back

Edited 2025-03-15 12:10 (UTC)

we should talk about what you read

the foxes and the dead cook? it didn't make any sense. anyway, i'm alive now. everything on that post can't be true anyway.

but

( it was true, is the thing. not the nastiness about sanji being dead — but of two foxes intertwined, about being liars and deceits. she knows she fucked up with this, pressure behind her eyes making it hard to see the phone screen. )

the thing is i was so messed up after you died. i knew it was my fault and that i couldn't do anything to make it better. i didn't want i was just so upset. i felt so empty. like nothing was ever going to be okay again. i missed you and it was my fault you were gone and the restaurant was a mess and zoro's been distant and drunk since it all went down and koby was well he was really stressed about everything. i tried to keep it together but i knew that i'm you know normally i never take part in the stupid games this place makes up but i just didn't care what happened to me at all. i wanted to be punished for what i did to you. so i did this hunt and got picked as a prey and i wore a fox mask jinx wore one too and then instead of getting punished i felt really good instead. like the only good thing to happen while you were dead but then i felt guilty because i should feel bad and i don't deserve to feel good. i'm a bad person i should've been the one who got bit i know it

[ every word hurts, the damning confirmation that he let his crew down. he wasn't there for them during what was probably the worst go of it since the werewolf games, and to make things worse — he left them worse off than before. ]

that's not true. you shouldn't have been the one to get bit. i'm always going to protect you. zoro is too. we take care of each other. all of us. besides, i'm a proud pirate before i'm anything else. there's always going to be some shitbag who needs their ass kicked.

[ as for the rest... he shakes his head as if nami can see him through the screen, wishing he were there with her. ]

those are just house games. they don’t mean anything. i don't like that you went out seeking punishment that you didn't deserve, but you didn’t do anything wrong. and i told jinx to take care of you. the last thing i wanted was for you to be alone, and i suspected that zoro might not be himself after… well, you know. but it’s all okay now. i’m back, and everything can be normal again. we can put all of it behind us.

i didn't take care of you. i ran away like a coward and let you get hurt. i messed it all up what even is normal? before the before you died we weren't even together. i was mad at you. that's not normal i mean that is pretty normal but that's not how i want it to be at all. i want to be with you like how it was before it's just it's not fair to jinx to say it didn't mean anything i did mean something. she likes me. i like her too she's important and i don't want to hurt her or you or anybody

you didn't run away. technically, i shoved you across the room on a table. i

[ a lump rises in his throat, because it's not like he's forgotten everything from before. to see it laid out so plainly feels like little cuts across his heart. ]

i deserved it. i know we weren't together. i guess we haven't really been normal for a while now. or maybe ever. i want to be with you too. if you'll have me. maybe we can make it official sometime. you and me. i've wanted that for so long. i hope i've earned it now. oh. i like jinx too. i would never want anyone to hurt her. jinx is important to me. do you want me to talk to her? i’m not upset with her.

i went and i hid and i didn't think about anything except how scared i was

( haha. erm. what. )

aren't you mad at me?

if those shitty bastards were bugs with a bunch of legs, i would've been right there with you. mad at you for what? for letting jinx take care of you while i was gone? i already said i told her to do that! i would've been mad if she left you to be alone. jinx is a good friend even though she thinks she's bad luck. i put a lot on her before i left. i owe her about a hundred desserts. anyway, i'm glad you two are friends. it would be awful if you didn't like my sous chef.

but you weren't you weren't scared and you protected me and you got hurt for it and those are the facts but we it was like

( she's going to have to be very explicit about this, isn't she. )

we had sex in the woods during the hunting game. and then i mean we like each other. i think like romantically like how you like alina

i was scared. the thing that scares me the most is the thought of losing you.

[ .............. ]

you had oh. nami, i don't romantically like alina. she's my friend. i just haven't been speaking to her much because i know it would hurt you. i never even thanked her for the christmas presents she made me before you two had that terrible fight. what we had wasn't it was one of the house games. she sat in my lap and ate some laced candy from my hand in the otherworld. that's all. that's all it ever was. it would never have happened if not for the house, and it's never happened since.

i thought i was scared of getting hurt but then i lost you and that was so so much worse

( right, and she's the queen of england. she's not sure why sanji is trying to irritate her with denials again — but maybe he's allowed, since she turned around and did the same thing to him. )

you took me to her shop on like the one date you ever asked me out on and people have seen you together i don't want to argue about it

i’m sorry about the way it happened. i sorry i didn’t say anything to you. i tried to do it all in a way that would hurt all of you the least, but i didn’t have time to think of a good plan, and i wasn’t operating at my best. i wanted to take you somewhere nice. somewhere we wouldn’t be poisoned by the house. like how i was with alina. and how you were with jinx. but i know taking you there was a mistake too, and i wouldn’t do that to you again. who? who has seen us together, doing what? i haven’t been with anyone. not even zoro. i’ve been trying to earn you back. i’ve been trying to be the kind of person you would even want back. you and jinx. so you played the game in the woods and now what?

Edited 2025-03-31 10:58 (UTC)

no i know you did what you thought would protect us. i wasn't trying to guilt you or make you feel bad i was i was trying to say i really missed you and i know how you feel

( people, she thinks. people have seen you. i have seen you. not that any particular instance comes to mind — the one ill-fated day that sanji came to his room covered in her, the time set said someone had seen them together. that whole blow up fight on the network with alina, a crazy person, and the genuine shock she felt when sanji came to her defense. it's the first time she's even heard about alina getting him a christmas present — which feels pretty fucking typical of alina as far as she knows. like she can't resist making things worse.

nami can see the it now. hindsight is all 20/20, and it's obvious — she's just gotten mad and jealous instead of asking for clarity, same as when she yelled at alina, who felt suffocating with her presence. it wasn't actually suffocating, she had just been there, because the house is only so big, and mistakes happen, and you're bound to cross paths with people you hate. she's crossed paths with set often enough to know the truth of that — stupid fucking set. )

you don't have to earn me. i'm already yours i thought before i was leaving you so you could be happy with her and you wouldn't have to worry about hurting me and you could have what you really want

( on the subject of jinx, though — )

i don't know i think you have to decide if you can forgive me or if i can earn your forgiveness for what i did and we have to decide what things look like going into the future. i mean. you and zoro are always gonna be everything to me that's not gonna change

i missed you too. i was thinking of you the whole time. you're all i've ever wanted. i thought you knew that. i've loved you from the moment i saw you at the baratie. i would never want to be with anyone but you. you and zoro. you're the only ones for me. i'm sorry that i made you think i was romantically interested in anyone else. i'm not. i would never do that to you. i don't know what you want me to forgive. do you want to be with jinx now?

( just say it, nami. he’s going to find out eventually. it’s better to rip the bandaid off and stare at her phone while waiting for a reply than it is to do any of it behind sanji’s back. )

no i want to be with jinx also. like i am with you and zoro i don’t know how she feels about it exactly or if it would be as feelings intense as our relationship but yeah that’s what i want. she’s crew

[ it's not that it's jinx that hurts. jinx is in fact a better choice than anyone else, lively and smart and strong, a perfect fit in nami's restaurant and on their crew. he's already decided he doesn't want anyone else in his kitchen. it’s just — all the raw uncertainty filling his cracks, thick and suffocating, to be freshly alive and still wonder. they weren’t together before, and he doesn’t know if he’s really any closer to it now. ]

and you you decided this all while i was dead? that you want to also be with someone else?

[ the posting makes a lot more sense now. ]

( Ok, Bitch, )

i didn't decide anything while you were dead. i wasn't like. oh sanji's dead, time to reevaluate my dating life i've never evaluated it in the first palce i was miserable. no one was around. you were dead. it was my fault. i wanted to walk into the woods and suffer. jinx found me and took care of me instead we only just talked about it now after that stupid gossip post it just meant a lot to me i don't have a lot of people i can rely on. i'm not gonna let her get in trouble for it so if you're mad get mad at me. i'm the one who messed up

it wasn't your fault. it was mine for not being there for you. i'm not going to get mad at you for telling me what you want. i wouldn't treat jinx like that, either. i like her. and i trust her. so if it's me you're worried about, it's okay. it's nothing. and if she likes you then i'm just glad that she can make you feel this way. i know it's not

[ easy. because jinx has done in... days? weeks? (how long was he dead? the weather has turned, so maybe longer than he thinks. he hopes.) what he couldn't do in what feels like a lifetime now. ]

well, i'm happy for you, nami! i know some of what she likes to eat, if you want me to make something special you can give her.

actually i was wondering if well maybe we could shelf that and you and i could go out somewhere instead? i could cook

oh. yes. yes, i'd love to go out somewhere with you. it's proper that i would take you out and cook for you, but if you want to cook, of course you can. there are also other people here that can do that for you. you shouldn't have to lift a finger.

[ nami... please...... ]

but i'm asking YOU out, so shouldn't i take care of it? ok i won't cook but only because i don't want to make you sick. i am planning it though. just wear something nice.

( turns out the solution to not being asked on a date to the business of the person your boyfriend cheated on you with (??? maybe??) is to plan it yourself. if you want something done not stupidly, you have to put on your big girl pants and stop waiting to be wowed. )

Your foxy girl was real cute during the hunt, mate. You miss out on that party?

[ what the fuck ]

when did you meet nami?

In the woods. Naked. During that predator-prey game a couple months back.

[ in the woods. naked. while he was —

hadn't it just been nami and jinx? of course it had. she would have told him otherwise. ]

i can respect a man who wants to confess his sins before he gets his ass kicked. don't feel too bad though. nami's not wasting any sleep on you.

Didn't seem to be wasting much sleep on you, either, while she was being all bitey with me

[shanks has done his part, nami is reeling and lost and dizzied, but she's not the only one who loved zoro. she's not the only one who needs to know. so:]

Zoro's gone. I've looked everywhere, but I can't feel him and neither can Shanks. I think he went home.

[ the words don't make any sense. frankly, the message just pisses him off, as if koby doesn't know how much he's already dealing with. ]

piss off you little pink shithead i know he's not talking to me

[

he's too concussed for this.]

He's GONE. Not here. Like Luffy and Usopp. That's what I'm trying to tell you.

[ long, long pause.

very long. ]

he wouldn't just leave. that idiot probably just got lost. there's something wrong with your head.

well yes, I have a moderate head injury but its not my head that can't feel him anymore, it's my haki shanks can't either he wouldn't leave you on purpose it's not on purpose.

shanks is a shithead who fucks clowns. he doesn't know him. what happened to your head?

Well. Yes. But he can still sense him, like I can. Better, even. It could be the house playing tricks but I don't think it is. It doesn't feel like it does when it's the house. Several things, but I'm fine. It's handled. Tim came back, he was some sort of angry bird fire thing. Don't worry about it.

well, then sense him. he wouldn't just disappear. i have his sword. another one. i just got it from the library. once we get the third one, he'll have everything he needs.

[ ??????????????????? ok ]

I've been trying all morning. I wouldn't even say it unless I was sure. And I'm sure. Do you have the sword now or [he's a little worried about you having a weapon rn bestie]

then he's dead like i was, and he'll come back like i did.

[ because he wouldn't have left. he wouldn't have. not when the last thing sanji asked him to do was kill him, and the last thing sanji told him was that he loved him, and he's received neither forgiveness nor an answer in return. once. he's only gotten those three words once from zoro, ever, and it was when sanji was splitting them apart so that zoro could be with nami instead because sanji didn't deserve her, and he never made that right either.

his anger verges on tears, stung that koby would do this to him, would say these words to him. at the mere thought that the shitty mosshead would even dare not to be here. ]

it's in our room. i left it by his bed, so he could find it.

[this is -- harder than he'd anticipated, his head pounding, back aching, chest tight with the ambient bleed of sanji's emotions and nami's, having to insist again and again on the fact that he can feel sanji shattering under.

but not telling him is worse. it has to be worse. koby can't imagine how, but it has to be.]

If he was dead, I could find him. I wouldn't lie to you, Sanji. I wouldn't tell you this unless I knew it was the truth. I'm sorry.

[ koby wouldn't lie to him. zoro is the most steadfast person he knows, solid and unmoving and stronger than sanji would ever admit. he wouldn't leave him like this. but koby wouldn't lie, either. ]

does nami know?

[ah. this is worse. sanji believing him, not telling him to fuck off and die, or getting angry and cussing him out -- that's worse.]

Yes. Are you two fighting? Can you stop for a little bit, maybe? She needs you.

[ are they? he agreed to never speak to alina again, a choice that stings but is worth it if it might keep jinx out of trouble. alina has people who love her. his friendship is no great loss.

not when his presence brings this. ]

i should go to her. i'm sure she's upset, and i have to apologize. zoro's gone because of me.

[

he'd say this soooo much more tactfully if he wasn't currently concussed, but:]

You aren't allowed to go see her if you're going to say stupid things like that. He is not gone because of you. He's gone because that's how this place works. It takes people away and it hurts us and it feeds on our misery. It's the village, dressed up nicer. I thought you knew that. I can't tell you not to blame yourself, because you never listen to me, but don't say those things to Nami. I mean it, Sanji.

it's the truth. you don't know what he had to do. what i asked him to do, because i couldn't do it myself. anyone would leave after that. you're going to stand there and tell me the timing doesn't make sense? maybe you and shanks can't feel him anymore today, but he left months ago when he killed me. we both died, and i was the only one who came back. it should've been him. he loves her. he knows how to love her. and i took that away from her.

That's right. You came back. What are you going to do with that, Sanji? You get to be here, with her, on the worst day of her life. You're not dead, you're not gone. You're here. Be here, with Nami. Punish yourself for whatever you believe you did later.

[ he's right, as he always is. what nami and zoro had was... loving. dependable. not like the fraught, constantly snapping thing sanji had with him, and not the ache that lives between him and nami. ]

i'll go make some tea and bring by some food. i'm sure she won't want to go anywhere, but i'll try to get her to eat something in a few hours. thank you for looking after her.

[oh thank whatever god was listening. it's not -- good, it's still not good, koby can feel that, the grief and hollow horror that emanates from sanji still. he probably doesn't want comfort -- probably imagines himself deserving of being alone in his grief. but koby is koby, and he's looking after nami and he's also nudging that sweet-blush-pink curl of hereiam up against the shape of sanji's mind, his soul, nothing but warmth and echoing grief and love, despite it all, despite everything.]

Thank you. I'll keep checking in on you two. Let me know if she needs anything. And I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry, Sanji.

yeah. i will.

[ he can feel koby's concern from here, his willingness to be helpful as he always is, as he always wants to be. he'll be stretching himself thin too, so sanji will make sure he makes enough food to make a stop at koby's door as well. ]

it's fine. you know i didn't really give a shit about him anyway.

[ blocked and reported if you call him out on this. ]

[the unseen presence leaves with an exasperated sort of shove, because you're stupid, sanji. but koby's head hurts and he's tired. he's so, so tired.]

I'll keep an eye on Nami until you get there. I'll make sure she's safe.

i didn’t kill ur girlfriend
hope u guys r happy together
i wont be in the kitchen for a while 👍

now you’ve decided to take your vacation? offer’s expired. i need you.

ask ur girlfriend

nami can’t cook.

whatever
i know u don’t care what i want
since u never ask

[ he just tells her. take a vacation. don’t take a vacation. stop what you’re doing. listen to what i want for my friends and not yours — ]

but i don’t want to
so im not going to

like you consult me for everything? fine, i’ll play. what else do you want besides not to be my sous chef?

[ she doesn’t know whether he means she didn’t ask about, uh, fucking his girlfriend, but that’s what she thinks of. ]

elaine already said i was an evil slut for what i did to u
i get it

so no
i don’t wanna be ur sous chef girlfriend stealer
i want to go back to doing what im good at
💣💥💣💥💣💥

[ ??????? ]

you’re not any of those things. i don’t think that about you at all. you’re good at being my sous chef. and you’re good at being with nami. and you’re good at being with me.

u mean that?

yeah, i mean it. do you think you're good with me?

[ maybe it's something he should have asked zoro when he had the chance. ]

[ a long pause. ]

yeah
i think im better with you, sanji

then i'll stick around wherever you are. really, you should be where i am. which is in the kitchen. dishwasher didn't show up either.

[ if he's lucky, he's dead ]

[ i’ll stick around. she wants to hear him say it. to record it and play it back. remix it on a loop. it sounds like — like the way he looked at her, when they danced at the stupid prom. all fizzy, a burst of carbonation in her chest. ]

forget about him

[ especially everything he said about jinx and nami.

which hopefully is the last thing on sanji’s mind, when she flashes into the kitchen like pink lightning, crowding him against the nearest surface, the same as she did when he was sick the first time and then when he was dying.

she looks mostly the same, if bruised by the fighting. big eyes open, vulnerable, but wary. ]

Say it again.

[ does he know which part? does she? she couldn’t say what she’s after, only that she nearly blew everything up for the second time this month, and the thought of actually losing it all — ]

If you meant it. I’m not doing dishes for nothing.

Edited 2025-05-22 23:24 (UTC)

[ he’s holding a soapy teacup when jinx blitzes in, eyes gritty and achy from no sleep and private tears widening at her sudden close presence. his expression settles back into its usual neutrality, plucking the cigarette from his mouth with wet fingers. ]

You always do the dishes for nothing.

[ maybe she thinks she’s seen him worse than this — crying on the floor, dying a slow death in her arms — but this? this is the worst. this is the worst he’s ever felt since he’s been here, certainly since he’s met her. he felt closer to nami than ever last night, stitched back together by their shared loss. but he knows her patterns and can feel the threads stretching taut, silent, as she struggles to pull away.

the last tears he shed were five minutes ago, when jinx said she wasn’t coming to work. it’d felt like one of her bombs exploding in his face. like i don’t want you. like i can disappear too. ]

I’ve meant everything I’ve said to you. [ a drag of smoke. ] Even when I called you a shitty little loquat.

[ he traces the line of her temple with his wet fingers, all the way down to her jaw, and marvels that he can still feel anything, that his heart can still pump blood despite the gaping hole in his chest. she’s warm, pulsing energy. here. ]

Edited 2025-05-22 23:52 (UTC)

Not for nothin’.

[ she huffs, even as she leans into the cup of his hand, lashes fluttering at the tender coolness of his fingertips. it takes her a moment to see him properly, red-eyed and sallow-skinned. not sick, the way he was before, but not well, at least. one hand slides from the counter to his hip, climbing up the flat of his ribs to find where his heart thuds in his chest. ]

For Nami. [ a beat. shoulders bunching up, she scuffs a shoe on his pristine kitchen floor. ] For you.

[ ‘cause she didn’t want a stupid job, when she woke up here, far from the world (and the hardships) she’s known all her life. she didn’t want anything or anyone but silco, returned to her, then gone again. it was sanji and koby who found her. saw her as more than she was (than she is, than she can be). and invited her into something bigger, warmer, until nami sealed the deal with a gifted scarf around her neck. ]

I don’t even know what that is. [ her nose wrinkles, more at the description than the smoke, when silco smells the same. ] Sounds made up.

[ with a tsk that tugs her mouth sideways, she leans up on the tip-toes of her combat boots to snatch the cigarette from his mouth and kiss him — before he can complain about that, too. ]

[ he’s on his way to describing a loquat when he realizes what she’s doing. what’s about to happen. sanji, for all the beats of his lovesick heart, has not been kissed by a grand number of people in a meaningful way. sure, there were the girls passing through the baratie, his inexhaustible attention on every pretty face that floated through their doors, but he hadn’t felt anything real until nami. and then zoro. and now jinx, a perfectly-aimed bullet of electric heat where her hand rests over his heart.

it’s impossible not to kiss her back, not when she’s planted her little blue flower in the tender soil of his heart all that time ago and has been stubbornly growing there ever since. just like zoro sprouted his way in. just like nami became the entire garden blooming all at once. it’s the flaw of his birth that got him thrown out of his home, that he feels everything, and he can’t do anything to stop it. he would never want to, because then he’d miss out on this — on jinx’s warm lips, and the way she stretches up to reach him, and how it feels like an end to something he hadn’t even known he’d been wishing and waiting for.

because she’s nami’s. but she was his first. but jinx doesn’t belong to anyone, and he’s just grateful that she showed up to work.

with both hands around her sweet, heart-shaped face, he breaks the kiss and feels the horrible burn of tears in his eyes. ]

It’s not made up. [ the fruit. this. ] It’s real. It’s all real.

[ he wants to keep his word to nami, don’t tell her, because nami prefers to pull away and disappear when she’s been gouged open with hurt, but he can’t go a moment longer keeping it inside, even as guilt springs bitterly to his mouth. ]

Zoro’s gone. [ he keeps jinx’s face cradled in his hands. ] That’s why your vacation offer’s expired.

[ because i need you here. ]

[ sanji cradles her face like a precious thing, as though jinx can be hurt anymore, too fast for a punch or blade or bullet. she could lose herself in it, in him, if he weren’t so clearly split. the salty wet of his tears pulls her out of a reverie, expression flashing — uncertain — until his grief spills over. ]

Oh, Sanji.

[ though she keeps his cigarette perched in one delicate hand, the other slides from his cheek to press calloused fingertips at his temple, then card back through his hair. sanji didn’t know it, back then, but he was there for her when she lost silco the second time. he’s been here for her the whole time, as she grieves him even while she has him, as she aches over all the connections she’s never had and finds herself desperate to keep close.

jinx kisses the bridge of his nose, then the swell of his cheek, kitten lick swiping the salt from the bone. ]

—‘m sorry. [ for the pain she knows too well, now searing white hot in his chest. there’s no fighting it. no denying it. she tried. ] I’m not going on vacation.

[ or quitting, or doing anything she threatened while thinking only of herself. sanji and nami fill the whole of her mind now, the problem of their grief one that no invention can solve. nami hadn’t even said anything, she thinks, hurt climbing her ribs, lodging in her throat, but there’s nothing to be done about it. maybe nami doesn’t trust her that way. like can be so far from love, and jinx has left a great deal unsaid herself.

it’s a problem for later, however, when sanji is here, and she can kiss the pained curve of his mouth again, hoping to alleviate even a fraction of his hurt. ]

I’m staying here with you, okay? [ their noses brush as she shakes her head. ] Okay. Can’t get rid of me this time.

— SALTBURNT INBOX.

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text — un: NAMIGATOR

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text | un: KINGOFTHEPIRATES

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the most vague opla spoilers for others

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text | un: pirate

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un: koby

text — un: xXxSW0RDSMAN3xXx

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